THE POP FILTER TOP TEN

BLAST FROM THE PAST:

We at YourPopFilter are aware how intimidating it can be to wade your way through years of back content. And we’re aware the viewership is growing all the time (thanks for that bt dubs!). So every once in awhile we’ll pull something from the murky past and throw it at you again.

THE SCARIEST,

LOSE-YOUR-SHIT,

PISS YOURSELF,

NIGHTMARES FOR WEEKS,

NOT EVEN REMOTELY FUNNY

MOMENTS IN FILM HISTORY

The Exorcist — this one:

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People talk a lot about the Exorcist and this scene in particular.  The crotch stabbing and head spinning are famous but there’s one thing people tend to leave out.  It’s about 30 seconds in.  That’s her stuffing her mom’s face between her legs and her mom coming up, gasping for air and covered in blood.  I don’t care about murdering priests or wrecking all that nice furniture, there’s no way you can sit down to breakfast with your now-cured daughter and not be thinking about that time she rubbed your face in her artificially created period.  -DT

Poltergeist — Clown attack:

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This scene will straight fuck you up.  It’s a combination of everything humans are genetically programmed to fear, mostly things under our beds and clowns.  I spent a lot of sleepless nights as a child because Poltergeist taught me that if you’re brave enough to check under your bed, those smiling bastards are just going to seize the opportunity and strangle your ass, plus you just know he’s getting molested under there.  Fuck that.  Better to just lie there petrified and still be more afraid of the dark than you’d like to admit.  -DT

Arachnophobia — The Entire FUCKING MOVIE

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This is just the trailer, and yes I had to watch it with my fingers mostly over my eyes. But guess what Amblin Entertainment…fuck you! You called this movie a motherfucking “thrillomedy”!!! Fuck you for so many millions of goddamn reasons! FUUCK! Okay, now here is my paragraph about this evil fucking piece of cinematic qwim grime.

There’s a movie called Arachnophobia. If you don’t like spiders, I do not recommend it. There is no one singular shot in this film that made me shit myself. There is no big ‘gotcha’ moment that had me pissing my Levi’s. No, this entire movie is so fucking scary and tense that I shit my pants, my couch and the carpet that the couch was on top of. Spiders basically become the overlords of a town and until they are stopped, terror reigns supreme. If I lived in this town I would kill myself or run away, taking nothing with me because spiders are good at hiding. I wouldn’t even take my car because spiders love cars. This movie made me shit myself, piss myself, barf myself and almost made me kill myself. It is the second scariest thing ever made, behind only spiders themselves. I don’t know who made this movie because I have never made it through to the end but I would like to tell them to fuck themselves. So fuck you Hitler, I’m assuming. — JRN

JURASSIC PARK — Raptors in the Kitchen

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I’ve never been much for the horror and scary movies, mostly because I am a bit of a wimp, but Jurassic Park is a great film that just happens to have more scenes that have caused me nightmares than any other movie in the world.  The thing about Jurassic Park is that when I saw it in theaters, it was the first thing I saw that introduced the concept that the T-Rex was mighty and stupid and therefore could be outsmarted.  This appealed to my 12 year-old desires to feel secure that I wouldn’t be gobbled by one.  But I was only wrapped in that metaphorical comfort blanket for a small part of an hour, since the filmmakers quickly introduced the barely known Velociraptor, with its superior intellect, vision and ferociousness.  In all likelihood, the boy and would’ve been dead if they had 2 raptors chasing them in real life.  And in my mind, the raptor chase scenario seemed pretty likely and freaked the FUCK out of me.  I still have nightmares about those things. -LF

Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure — Large Marge

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This scene might not hold up that well today, but I’m basing it on the initial reaction I had as a kid. At this point, we all know the story: On this very night, ten years ago, a young gorgeous truck driver named Margaret witnessed the worst car accident she had ever seen. She stops, of course, to see if she could help. She was able to see the victim’s face, and it had, as most car accident faces do, turned into a weird, stop-motion animationy, big-eyed monster. This might not sound that scary, but you should hear Large Marge tell it. After all of this, Pee-Wee Herman sits in the cab of the truck for a minute, instead of just jumping out of the truck or killing himself right there on the spot, making him the bravest man of all time. — RH

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory — Tunnel of Disgusting Love

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For most of its runtime, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is pretty innocuous movie, if not the deliverer of some fairly confusing messages (Wait…so it is OK to burp with your grandpa?). But all of that goes away for one excrutiatingly eternal moment towards the beginning of the tour. This wacky chocolatier PURPOSEFULLY built a tunnel, for no apparent reason other than it makes him laugh, that it was covered in screens. Projected on these screens is everything that people find frightening, from giant worms entering women to men with glasses and hats. It’s like sitting in hell’s screeing room, endlessly watching Un Chien Andalou. While all of William Wonkiam’s patrons rightfully shit themselves, he has the fucking audacity to endlessly fucking sing a fucking song in a fucking monotonous voice. If you don’t think this scene has touched the nation, the next time you are in a group of people who witness something scary, start singing that song. They won’t know why, but they will pee in their pants. — RH

Alien — Dallas’s Wacky Air Vent Adventure

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When most people talk about the scariest scene in Alien, they talk about Kane’s death scene.  That’s pretty iconic but for my generation, who mostly saw Spaceballs and stuff first, that entire thing was ruined for you.  So let’s assume that, like me, you saw this movie when you were way too young to have anything but the Alien’s appearance and Kane’s death spoiled for you.  You probably watched this movie going, “Yep a few of these guys are going to get killed off but that Dallas guy is going to be our hero.  Look at his heroic beard!”  When Dallas goes into the air vents with the motion tracker looking for the Alien you’re still thinking “Well here he’s going to have a close encounter that helps him fully understand what they’re up against.”  Even when shit starts going bad and the alien is coming towards him you’re comforted by the fact that the black guy is still alive so clearly nothing is going to happen here.  Then Dallas drops down as the motion tracker picks up the thing coming towards him and the thing fucking pops out from the darkness and kills the most likely hero leaving us with some dumb girl named Ripley as our only hope. — ASW

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