I’ve been sick for the past few days, and when I am sick I turn into a sick whiny baby. I revert back to childhood, so I usually need to watch something from my youth. Full House used to be a staple in the legendary TGIF lineup, bringing us the story of three straight men living together in San Francisco and raising kids together. These days the kids watch a lot of things ironically, so I suppose you could have your pals over for a marathon and add a little fun to your night. Right now in my illness I’m not going to partake, but once I get better I will reward myself with a night with The Tanner Clan.

Take a drink when:

1. Danny starts cleaning something. OCD is really hilarious you guys! Although, this is enough to give you alcohol poisoning after episode 2.

2. Stephanie actually outshines the entire cast with comedic timing. True story, she’s not the money, but she certainly was the funniest. Too bad she later went through an awkward stage when she hit her tweens.

Uh oh! I spy a spin-off series!

3. A family member does something incredibly co-dependent, like all go to the gym together, go out together to a nightclub, only hang out with your significant other with the family in tow, or get married to the woman of your dreams but end up moving into the attic with her and your kids because you can’t stay away. Yes, I’m looking at you Jesse “I’m too hot for this show” Katzopoulus.

4. When Joey does something that begs the question, “Why in god’s holy name would you let this man raise your kids?” The guy sleeps in the garage with his puppets and adult onesie pajamas.

This guy? Really?

5. When Michelle acts like a spoiled brat and everyone bends to her will because they melt at the drop of one of her 1.5 catchphrases. God, I loathe Michelle.

I don’t know what’s scarier: this-


or this-

olden twins fashion week

6. Take a drink when Kimmy Gibbler says something to Danny that could be interpreted as a sexual fetish. “Sorry Mr. Tanner, my feet smell really bad today!”

kimmy gibbler full house

That Gibbletron was mighty feisty.

7. Special guest star: There have been a few gems, like Scot Baio, Kirk Cameron, Stacey Q, and of course…..Tommy Page!

8. Drink when Jesse and the Rippers make an appearance. Usually he has to include Michelle in it somehow, because a band loves being taken over by a toddler.

9. Any appearance of unnoticed breakout star of the show- DEREK! This kid was the greatest! Where is he now? Probably not the toast of Broadway where he SHOULD BE.

10. The elusive mention of the late Mrs. Tanner- the fam does seems to forget their dear departed matriarch with all their wacky hijinks.

Bonus sips:
-when Jesse mentions being Greek
-when the show tries to convince us that DJ is popular and smart
-when Joey has a full-on mullet
-Mr. Bear makes an appearance

I think I am going to get drunk on the principle that I know too much about Full House.