In which we slay the things others hold dear.



Ryan Gosling

I like Ryan Gosling the same unhealthy amount that you do.  I even like his band.  So this isn’t so much of a Fuck That Calf as it is a Let’s Lay Off That Calf For A Little While.  Ryan Gosling is not perfect.  I mean physically, yes, he is kind a of a pinnacle but as an actor it’s not like he nails it every time.  The problem with all the Gosling fever going around right now is that we’re setting ourselves up for a backlash.  We declare him perfect in everything he does.  But eventually he’s going to screw up.  There’s going to be one Gosling movie that’s nothing but twitches and blinks and we’re going to start questioning ourselves.  Then we’re going to go back and re-watch all his movies, except this time we’re looking for flaws.  We’ll come to the conclusion that he tricked us into thinking he was amazing and his career will implode within a matter of months.  Why don’t we just try and pump the brakes instead?  Save some of that Gosling currency for a rainy day.  If you need something to critique him on, he did date Sandra Bullock for a year.  Nothing like being Eskimo brothers with Jesse James to bring you down a peg.-DT


Taylor Swift

Do I really have to write a thing? Is it at all necessary? Just hearing that name probably fills your head with reasons why she sucks. 1. She’s written a dozen bitter songs about how every guy she’s ever so much as had a cup of coffee with has broken her heart. Hey Taylor, maybe you should stop dating assholes, or maybe the problem is you, seeings how you are the only common denominator in this equation. 2. She is a terrible song writer. I overheard a lyric where she says, “I had a wonderful father, his love makes me stronger” Ug, shut the fuck up. It’s so not rock-and-roll to have a good relationship with your dad. 3. Oh my god, Kanye was so right. That award should have gone to Beyonce. They should have given her every award at the VMA’s that year, that video/song for “All the Single Ladies” was so year defining and awesome. I’m glad he got up on stage and ruined her big moment. And all the sympathy she got for that was bullshit. And 4. She looks like if you met her, she would be a stuck-up cunt. I am an expert on cunty chicks, and I know one when I see one, and Taylor Swift is a tier one cunt. Fuck her and fuck you if you like her.-SR