Flickchart’s Greatest Battles
In which we pit two movies together using flickchart.com, debating their merits or lack thereof.
Rain Man is probably the obvious choice here; it’s a beloved classic quoted ad nauseum and quite possibly the last time Tom cruise played a convincing human being. And of course it has those four Oscars, and not like for best sound editing or something stupid and inconsequential; Rain Man won for Directing, Screenplay, Lead Actor and Best Movie in 1989. Good flick, heartwarming, important values…boring and overly saccharine. It’s a movie you watch with your grandparents on Sunday night. The Professional has the same heartwarming journey of grizzled narcissist learns how to love from unlikely vulnerable family member, but it delivers it with a really satisfying edge with and movie poster suitable for hipster framing. Natalie Portman is adorable and vulnerable and fully capable of being little miss murder, she elevates the movie above your generic action revenge story. Jean Reno plays perfectly the character you expect, while Gary Oldman’s over the top villain adds a surprising and slick vibe. At the end f the day the relationship between an asshat and his autistic brother is fairly interesting but absolutely nothing in comparison between that of an assassin and the 12-year-old girl he’s agreed to train, it’s just math people. – AS
WINNER: THE PROFESSIONAL
In my old age I find my brain just isn’t holding on to memories of bad movies anymore. On the one hand its great because I never have to relive the horrors of House of 1,000 Corpses on sleepless nights, but it’s a double edged sword that led to unfortunate multiple viewings of The Crystal Skull. My point being if I know I saw a movie but can’t remember a thing about it, I pretty much just always assume its because it was terrible. And I can’t remember a damn thing about I,Robot; not the plot or the characters or anything despite seeing it in theatres. So since I still grab my boobs when announcing rain and will never stop trying to make Fetch happen, Mean Girls beats I,Robot hands down. Of course Mean Girls was written by our Lady nerd —Goddess Tina Fey giving it the substance to back up the best example of adolescent bitchiness in the last decade so it’s not like it wins completely by default. But let’s be honest, if I can remember more details about over-stylized teen snark than the always charming Will Smith fighting robots in the future…those must be some weak-ass robots. -AS
WINNER: MEAN GIRLS