Anyone else fucking IN the holiday mood?! As I sit and write this article- my brain is swarming with outrageous amounts of cheer! OK… you caught me; I’ve been sitting at an airport bar this morning downing bloody marys for breakfast. But most of the world, along with me, has a nice long three or four day vacation on their hands, so what else would we be drinking for breakfast? (The only acceptable answer contains a glass full of champagne with a splash of orange juice).
Most of you probably hate arbitrary holidays that celebrate lying to children and spending money on people you don’t particularly like- but I love the holidays for one specific reason: Open Bar.
At one of the many parties I attended in the past weeks the game of the week hit me- HOLIDAY MOVIE DRINKING GAMES. Trust me on this folks- trust me.
Are you stuck hanging out with a bunch of kids at your auntsfriendscousins holiday party? Pour yourself some of thatoneguys super expensive scotch and sip along to The Santa Clause and enjoy watching Tim Allen get fat. Are you forever alone and Jewish this Sunday? Grab a 30 pack and watch The Christmas Story, just to drill in the fact that at one point in time, good movies were made.
There are a few things we know about Santa Claus now that we are adults- the dude is a lazy fuck and generally runs into problems for HIS ONE DAY JOB. You would think that a man who has 364 days to plan for an event that he has done for thousands of years would have his shit together, but doesn’t.
The absolute best part about this drinking game is that the rules can transcribe to your REAL LIFE SITUATIONS. The rules below are so typical of all things holiday; I am honestly going to post these rules at my own family party- your invited to come get drunk with me to!
- Merry Christmas and a Kiss takes place
- An obviously fake Santa is onscreen (or sitting in your living room)
- Anytime a ghost of Christmas Past, Present or Future appears (although if this happens in real life, please write in and tell me about your experience!)
- Anytime someone is low on their life and is grumpy about the holiday
- A toast is made and everyone has their glasses raised as someone talks
- An ‘act of god’ forces a change of plans for the holiday
- Spotting mistletoe (drink twice if someone points out mistletoe and kisses!)
- If it is snowing
- Anyone is panicked
- A present is opened
- Santa’s elves are working on presents
- The lights flicker (drink twice if the power goes out)