TRAILER TRASH

In which we review the films opening this weekend, just based on the trailer, to 100 percent accuracy

DREDD

AKA: The Benefits of Fascism

REVIEW: Out of all of the movies in the reboot wave, this one sort of makes sense. Not many people remember the Sylvester Stallone vehicle Judge Dredd, and most of those who do don’t really care to. This is 2012, and we need grittier reboots of gritty movies of our past, but at the same time we need messages. Dredd has decided to give us the message that drugs are bad, and the government is here to save us in any way possible. I’m not saying there’s a clear agenda to this movie, but there’s certainly a clear agenda to this movie. The acting isn’t half bad though, which is surprising given it’s a fall release action movie.

SPOILER: Dredd learns a little bit about love, and a lot about himself.

RATING: ** 1/2 (out of ****)

END OF WATCH

Download | YouTube MP3 Converter

AKA: COP BROTHERS, BROTHERS IN BLUE ARMS, COPS WITH CAMERAS.

REVIEW: End of Watch brings a new facet to the cop drama genre, the hand-held found footage feel. And by new of course, I mean very old if you’ve ever seen the hit TV show COPS. As the movie goes along, it gets more and more difficult to justify one of the characters holding a camera at all times, so they give Michael Pena the ability of telekinesis and he uses it to have the camera float around them, which is how they got the sweet shot in the city skyline. Other than stylistic choice, End of Watch is a solid cop drama with decent writing and actors with chops. It’s not breaking new ground, but it’s not a waste of time.

SPOILER: King Kong also has nothing on Michael Pena or Jake Gyllenhaal.

RATING: *** (out of ****)

THE MASTER

Download | YouTube MP3 Converter

AKA: The Return of Joaquin Phoenix

REVIEW: Summer is over, and it’s time for the Oscar movies to start coming out. Everyone involved in this movie is at the top of their game, and their collaboration just elevates that game higher. This movie will shock you in how affecting it is with such a basic story. It’s phenomenal. Hit play again, and tell me I’m wrong. You can’t.

SPOILER: The movie ends with PT Anderson’s Oscar Acceptance Speech, which ends in telling Scientology to fuck right off.

RATING: ***1/2 (out of ****)