I MISS MY MTV

HEADBANGER’S BALL

Dethklok-Duncan Hills Coffee Jingle

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I know just as much about heavy metal as I do about building a Mars rover, but that doesn’t mean I won’t speak with an arrogant confidence on the subject. This may be a fake band from a cartoon, but it’s fully brutal. From the creators of Home Movies, Metalocalypse follows the most outrageously successful metal band of all time, Dethklok. This song is from episode one, in which Dethklok performs a jingle they wrote for Duncan Hills Coffee. As front man Nathan Explosion put it, they aren’t “selling out”, they are simply making the world a more metal place, one product at a time. Creator Brendon Small is the man behind the music, and also the lead guitar.  It is the darkest most metal endorsement of a fake product by a fake band that has ever been.-SR

Dream On – Aerosmith

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This category is not my forte. So instead of just looking up heavy metal on youtube and posting the first video I find I figure I’ll just go with something sort of rock from a pretty famous band. I chose Dream On by Aerosmith because this song is freaking awesome! And this whole article is called I Miss My MTV and look there’s an old school MTV logo in the top corner!!!  Before you get all worked up over this not being that headbangey you can just suck it because I like this song and I don’t care if it’s not headbangey enough for you. With that said this is one of Aerosmith’s best songs. This video shows us what a younger Steven Tyler looked like pre-American Idol. The dude is a total mess but he’s still awesome. His voice is insanely good in this song too. -RC

Frost Hammer- High On Fire

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Even if you watched this video with the sound off, there a tons of hints that it may just slightly be metal. And by that of course I mean, no matter what, it’s the most fucking metal video on this list today. It starts off with a close up of a snake- pretty metal. Then the band is in some dark basement type area playing to no one- even more metal. Interspliced with the band shots is demonic Viking Jesus who is on some sort of mystical quest, that turns out to be for a giant battle-ax, even though the song is called Frost Hammer – SO FUCKING METAL. Then it wraps up with more snakes at some sort of dinner party of demonic Viking gods where they’re about to eat a baby. Fuck you in your face if you don’t think that’s metal. -MG

Pussy Riot – Punk Prayer: Mother of God, Putin Put!

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This isn’t a “real music video” in the traditional sense but fuck if it isn’t the most badass thing I’ve seen all year. Pussy Riot is part punk band and part anarchist movement that stages unsanctioned performances in demonstration against the Russian government. This video was shot as a protest against Putin’s re-election which led to the arrest and conviction of three band members. These bitches were arrested for hooliganism! Is there a cooler thing to be charged with? They may be imprisoned for two years because Russia is still hella scary and hard-ass, but man are they gonna be dripping with street cred when they get out. The music isn’t amazing but that’s not the point in punk. It’s about anger and passion and standing up to the man…and of course hooligan pussies.  - AS