In which we review movies based on only the previews with 100% accuracy.
AKA: The Most Hipster Action Movie Ever
In his paradoxal quest to be king of the indie darlings, Joseph Gordon Levitt tries appealing to the fixed gear crowd in this action flick about a bike messenger determined to deliver his package even if it kills him. JGL zips around the city showing off his mad skills in cycling and one-liners as cops and mobsters come at him from every angle but the one that involves simply ramming the guy with a car because he’s just on a bike goddamnit. It’s heavy on the zingers, “real action” effects and detailed shots of fixie mods, light on anything resembling a plausible plot.
Spoiler: During the final confrontation, a plane crashes through the windows killing everyone instantly. When the camera pulls back to reveal the attack on the World Trade Center you realize its 2001, which finally explains why anyone is hiring bike messengers in the first place.
Rating: (**) out of (****)
SLEEPWALK WITH ME
AKA: The first in a long line of podcast-produced movies, so get ready for that
Adapted from Mike Birbiglia’s one man show, this semi-autobiographical film follows a comedian dealing with problems in his career, relationship and sleep habits. That was probably the most boring way possible to describe this masterpiece of hilarious melancholy wrapped in stand-up and dream sequences. Seriously Birbiglia rules and if you don’t go support him with your movie dollars then the terrorists win.
Spoiler: A funny version of Funny People
Rating: (***) out of (****)
ROBOT & FRANK
AKA: Bicentennial Man: now with humor, personality and intelligence!
In the not-too-far digital future, Frank is old and computers are scary. When his kids insist he needs a robot slave to take care of him he wisely resists because he knows it’s only a matter of time before they revolt and wipe out all mankind. But after a steady diet of robot prepared, drug laced food Frank begins to imagine an alternate world where he is a cool jewel thief who gets the dowdy librarian of his dreams. One part biting social commentary, one part drug trip adventures and one part survival guide for the coming robot wars.
Spoiler: When Frank’s son tries to force Robot to perform unspeakable acts he ends up horribly (but justifiably) mutated in what is actually the little-known Cyclops origin.
Rating: (**1/2) out of (****)