THE POP FILTER MIXTAPE
STRANDED ON A LIFEBOAT
Goodbye Sky Harbor – Jimmy Eat World
This song was chosen for one reason and one reason only: it is 16 minutes long. I have never actually had the patience to sit through the whole thing but with a 16 minute song, something new and interesting will have to be found for a while. And while this isn’t close to my favorite JEW song, no matter how much you like a 3 minute song you will want to kill yourself after a week. Since my song is roughly 5 times longer than that, I will live roughly 5 weeks. 5 weeks at sea with just me, one of Jimmy Eat World’s worst songs and seagulls that have come out to the ocean to die. Rad. – JRN
Transatlanticism – Death Cab for Cutie
I’m not trying to be stuck on a lifeboat for long. So in my scenario this song will get me through my very brief stint on said lifeboat. This is one of my favorite Death Cab songs and I’ll probably be feeling a little down if I’m solo on a lifeboat waiting to be rescued. I’m assuming the reason I’m on a lifeboat is because I need rescuing from some disaster. So I’ll be pretty bummed on not being with family and friends. This song will be the perfect companion for me while I wait and wonder what happened to everyone else. And It’s long enough that I wont get sick of it right away. Plus it’s pretty melodramatic for this setting so it seemed like a good fit. -RC
Marais La Nuit – Neko Case
If you’re stranded on a lifeboat you’re going to be there a while. You’ll also be missing the sweet sounds of woodland nature as the endless roar of the ocean drives you slowly insane. Well Neko Case has solved BOTH of those problems for you. This “song” is a little over half an hour of crickets chirping, frogs croaking and grass rustling in the wind. You may not fully appreciate this addition to the mixtape right now but trust me, 100 hours into your lifeboat ride you’ll be thinking Marais La Nuit is the shit. -SB
The Mariner’s Revenge Song- The Decemberists
There’s the obvious nautical theme to the song, and though it seems like you’d want to do nothing more than forget you’re stranded; there’s absolutely no way you’re going to be able to do that when there’s nothing but miles of water in every direction as far as the eye can see. The Mariner’s Revenge Song is a great tune to listen to while hopelessly drifintg o’er the wide blue yonder for several reasons: 1- The protagonist is singing from the belly of a goddamned whale. Are you standing on the innards of an aquatic mammal? No? Then stop complaining about how “hard” your sun exposure and dehydration are, and how “irritating” Bill is even after you strangled him in his sleep and ate his tongue for its nutrients and as a fuck you to his incessant whining. At least you’re not in a stomach. That’d just be gross. 2- It’s a pretty long song with enough going on that you can pay attention do different parts/instruments with each listen. You could even start to harmonize with different parts, see how close your voice can get to an accordion. Fun for hours! Especially now that Bill isn’t telling you to “shut up with your incoherent wailings, there’s no iPod what could you possibly be listening to?!” Bill was a dick. 3- It has a story you can grab onto, and picture as it plays a long, and even after it’s done. You can map out the steps the Mariner took to find his nemesis, and then picture even more vividly what he did to said nemesis after the song ends. I’m guessing he ripped out his tongue with his teeth, and stopped himself from feeling physically lonely with that bloody mouth hole. See why literary music has merits?-MG
Relax, Take It Easy – MIKA
So you’re drifting through open water for an indeterminate amount of time, like a bajillion hours, and you need something to keep your spirits lifted. Who better to distract you from the crippling dehydration and constant threat of shark attack than the millennial reincarnation of Freddy Mercury? Mika’s sweet falsetto soars above the dreamy electro-pop with such motivational gems as “there is an answer to the darkest times” and “relax/take it easy/for there is nothing that we can do” which should totally help deal with the thirst and exposure. It’s the perfect song to help you forget about your imminent death and just enjoy lazing about in the lifeboat for weeks so by the time they fish your shivering, salt-stained husk from the water you’ll be rocking back and forth babbling “relax” over and over like a crazy person. Which is still better than ending up as a blurb on shark week. – AS
I’m On A Boat – Lonely Island
There are three reasons to include this song on this Mixtape. The first is that I am physically incapable of not hearing this song every time I board any sort of watercraft, and I have a feeling I’m not the only one (I’m pretty sure I haven’t clicked that link 70 million times). The second reason is that the premise of the song (aggressively rapping about the most passive of activities) is really, really funny when it’s done right, and the Lonely Island guys hit that nail square on the head. That having been said, humor is one of the most important coping skills when dealing with life-threatening stress. (Seriously, there are studies in which repatriated POWs say humor was more important to them than religion when it came to keeping their shit together in the Hanoi Hilton.) So I’m pretty sure having a laugh about your situation is going to be pretty fucking valuable (not “water desalination” valuable, but still). The third reason for including this song is that, inevitably, its stress-buffering effects will wear off, and things will get desperate. There’s always one guy who tries to keep the meme alive for way too long…in this case, the guy who won’t stop singing this fucking song can be cannibalized with few, if any, moral qualms. For these reasons, “I’m On A Boat” is the Swiss Army Knife of nautical parody rap songs, and should be a mandatory part of all lifeboat audiovisual emergency kits. -BW
Albuquerque – Weird Al Yankovic
The reasons for this song being on this Mixtape are many and obvious, and I don’t really feel the need to describe them. I’m not sure what else I’m supposed to talk about. Mitt Romney? MC Skat Kat? MC Skit Katney? Holy shit, I would vote for that mother fucker. Alright, fine. Here are the top three reasons this song is a lock for this CD:
1. It’s long as fuck.
You’re going to be on that lifeboat for a long time, asshole. You want to hear a three minute song 200 times a day, or this song once a day, with the rest of the day reserved for basking and analyzing.
2. It’s about your home town.
This of course presupposes that your home town is Albuquerque. Mine isn’t, and yours isn’t either.
3. It’s the greatest song of all time.
I know, I know. Goes without saying, right? Well, for the uninitiated, get on this as soon as possible. In 1997, the World Government Association named this “The Greatest Story Ever Told”, ripping that title from the Bible. The Bible, they decreed, shall forever be known as “Not Albuquerque.” This is a ridiculous amount of underselling, but I have word limits here, people. – RH