This song is fucking garbage. It’s a slow jam that sounds like a piece of dog shit fucked a pretencious badger that crapped out the world’s stupidest, piece of shit idiot. However, if I am about to snowboard with a buzz on I will certainly meet my death. And since I am going to die, I might as well be listening to a song that already makes me want to kill myself as it will make it a lot easier for me to shed my mortal coil. Hey, look at that…Shakespeare AND dog shit in one paragraph! – JRN
I figure flying down an icy mountain blitzed out of your mind is the closest you can come to feeling like you’re floating in space. This Major Tom sequel has the dreamy, electronic ambience and hauntingly catchy chorus a good buzz needs to make the world feel like one big video game as you dodge trees and tourists at 40 mph whilst strapped to a board of death. For best results make the run at night, softly crooning “Earth below us, drifting falling, floating weightless, calling, calling home” and enjoy your own personal fucked up Space Mountain. I think I just planned my 30th birthday. – AS
I imagine that this song is ideal for ripping up some tasty moguls, or whatever the hell you do when you go snowboarding; I’ve never been (I’m not a huge douchebag). The chorus seems nearly tailor-made for accompanying sweet jumps off of, uh, cliffzors (again, whatever), and the video is explicit about being buzzed while in the air, so there you go. I was going to specify that I’m writing about the Foo Fighters version of this song, but then I realized that either the Tom Petty version or the Pink Floyd version might work, too, depending on just what kind of buzz you’re experiencing. So, let’s say that any song titled “Learning to Fly” is good for snowboarding, and that which version you choose should reflect your drug of choice. Foo Fighters = Ecstasy, Tom Petty = Pot, and Pink Floyd = Heroin. And that’s a choice I think we can all live with.-BW
Snowboarding is like skateboarding but colder and lamer right? I don’t get upset, I know lamer isn’t a real world and I’m not defending skateboarding. They’re both stupid “sports” for stupid “people” who say things like “lamer.” I will give you that snowboarding can be dangerous, especially if you’re buzzy, which I’m pretty sure is the only state of mind it’s ever performed in. You’re going to need something fast and catchy to hold your concentration from wandering away while plummeting down a mountain side at high speeds. When I was 12 and it was still ok to waste time on activities like this, I’d always have New Found Glory in my Discman when I hooligan’d about town on my skating board. And what’s good for the goose is good for the gander; I’m pretty sure that phrase applies here. So listen to Hit or Miss, and then get a fucking job. -MG
I was going to suggest the Evanescence song “Snow White Queen,” because, well…snow, am I right? But then I realized that “Call Me When You’re Sober” is a much better song for the occasion (since a snowboarder who’s buzzed is likely to be totally insufferable). Basically, any Evanescence song, with its driving guitar and pretentious, I’ll-cut-myself-if-you-don’t-love-me vocals is probably a pretty good choice for snowboarding while under the influence. (Their songs are also good for playing on your iPod to drown out the Ke$ha music that’s playing at the gym!) So, if you (like Evanescence) peaked a few years ago, please feel free to get your buzz on and play this song while you’re coming down the mountain. (Shit…I should totally have used “Mountain Song” by Jane’s Addiction. Oh well, I’m sure somebody else will pick it up.)-BW
For the uninitiated, do not click play on that video, unless you want to tackle your computer in hopes of Super Bowl victory. The NFL Films music, along with the voice of John Facenda, has the capability of making any game seem as hard fought and important as the Ice Bowl, and the Ice Bowl as hard fought and important as Vietnam. This particular video doesn’t have any NFL footage in it (don’t need it – it’s all in your head), nor does it have John Facenda, but you can make up for that fact by shouting “Frozen Tundra” (band name!) over and over again as it plays. If having a buzz does one thing, it adds importance to what you’re doing. Your reality shifts, and suddenly you think “this is amazing, and I’m going to remember it forever.” Why not make that a little more true than it actually is and give it the appropriate soundtrack behind it. Snowboarding might not be as eventful or fun or good or athletic or exciting as football, but here’s a way to give it a boost. – RH
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