In which we review the films opening this weekend, just based on the trailer, to 100 percent accuracy.
AKA: the Rock’s 300
REVIEW: Hercules does something interesting (and only one thing). Because he’s such a well-known character, they get to do an origin story/coming out of retirement for one last gig all at the same time. Now there could be some interesting discussion about fate or what is legend versus what is real and the expectations that puts on someone with celebrity, but instead Hercules’ wife and kids die (not by his hand like it happened in REAL life) and he goes around smashing Hades’ army. By ignoring the myths of ancient Greece, this version of Hercules plays out like a live-action reboot of Disney’s but without Danny Devito, or the hottest cartoon ever, Meg.
SPOILER: We find out Hercules’ favorite band is Queens of the Stone Age, and he doesn’t shut up about it.
RATING: *1/2(out of ****)
REJECTED TAGLINE: The Scarlett Johansson SciFi movie of 2014 that WON’T make you think too much
REVIEW: “Lucy” is the newest film to tackle that weird lie that movies like to spout how we only use 10% of our brain. I don’t think it’s a lie of malice or true misleading, like say telling kids Columbus discovered America or that their vote matters, but it’s some fun misinformation that allows for crazy science fiction to happen. This has been a banner year for ScarJo– with “The Winter Soldier”, “Under the Skin”, and now this, she’s finally found her niche and seems comfortable, you know…acting. As someone who used to scoff when people said they liked her, I’m fully on the bandwagon now. She does otherworldly/creepy better than anyone else right now and can still ground it in human emotion, even as her character is losing that. Oh, and Morgan Freeman does a pretty good job playing Morgan Freeman.
SPOILER: She looks up at the sky at the end and flies away. It’s a little derivative.
RATING: ***(out of ****)